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Jul. 4th, 2006 | 12:00 am
mood: peacefulpeaceful
music: Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere

Oh My My My God. Where do I start. So much to say and so hard to remember it all.

Life has been crazy. I been way up and way low over the past few months. The only thing that has stayed constant is the fact the my god has continued to bless me, answer my prayers, and come to my rescue when I'm in need. For that I am grateful and continues to Prays Him Name. "You should never go where you can't take the lord with you"...But if you do call him name and he'll be there for you.

I have had some amazing people come into my life over the past 18 months. Most of which will probably never play a major role in my life again after the next 5 months have passed. I am so glad that they could be in my life and I will them all well as we continue our lives.
Someone made me learn a very had lesson in letting people go and I thank him for doing so because if he hadn't I couldn't so easily so goodbye. (easy but heartfelt and sincere none-the-less.)
Much love to my boyz Ali and Derek! And lets not forget My home girl DeDe!!! Love Ya'll!!!

I have grown more in the last 4 months than I think I have in the past 3 years. With no reguard for anyone else. I have become a much more spiritual person and really learned how to use that to my greatest advantage, whereas before I bottled it up.
I have become so much more self-sufficient and learned to not only be content with and by myself but the be happy with and by myself. Without the use of a distraction (such as music...the great fall back).
I have learned to be more patient with people and there differences from myself and their.......unique, ways of thinking.
I have learn to embrace my differences because they alone make me different from you. (and I dont wanna be like you when I can be like me! Afterall I am cooler.)
I have learned how to shut the hell up; sometimes, cause it just aint that important.

I came to Kansas to make some life changes. These are a few of them that I know will help me out in my great future to come.

I dont wanna forget hanging out at Derek's house after work on Friday nights. The first time... Derek, Ameir, and I got drunk and then went to the movies to see Fun With Dick and Jane. We were all so drunk that we sat there and cracked up during the whole movie at the fact that we thought every damn part was so funny, for no reason other than we were drunk. When Derek got up to go piss and couldnt find us when he came back into the theater. lol. When I got up to go piss and went into the wrong theater and then the right theater and still couldn't find them. LMAO.
The time Ali, Ameir, Derek, and I got drunk and went to the movies to see Big Mama's House 2. When the beer bottle that someone smuggled into the theater got kicked over and rolled all the way to the front row...very loudly. LOL. All that but not before I kicked some ass in Quarters and got Ali and Derek to drink pretty much an entire bottle of Captain Morgan's Tattoo.
The very next weekend when Derek, Ali, and I played Quarters again. They came back and kicked my ass, getting me to drink twice the amount of Tequila than the amount or rum they both drank the weekend passed. Being on the phone with Maggie while we were playing and falling to the ground so freaking hard. "Maggie I have to go now; I just fell really really hard and hit my hard on a caddy of vacuum cleaner accessories, and I don't even know how I fell." LMAO!!! I was so fucked up. Climbing back upstairs to the couch with my eyes closed cause I physically could not hold them open. Laying on the couch still mentally conscious but having ZERO motor skills. Hearing them talk about me being passed out on the couch and not even being about to argue that I was awake b/c I have ZERO motor skills. Drifting off for bout three minutes, waking up for no reason other than vomiting, getting Phillips attention and making him realize I was gonna vomit with only the use of one arm. lol. Within seconds he had a big shiny pot in front of my that I ever so gracefully loaded up and passed out, for real this time.

I don't wanna forget going with Derek to get his nipples pierced. I know that shit fuckin hurt. Then going to DeDe's house and chillin with a very drunk DeDe, Ali, and DeDe's asshole cousin Jack from Oklahoma. LOL.
Because I have PICTURES, I wont forget the night that we all went to DeDe's house after work and got so fucked up and learned that ALI and DEREK SHOULD NOT DRINK VODKA; it makes them either mean or forget everything. Eddie coming over hours upon hours later being just as trashed as we where. We still dont know how he found her house. Dancing Dancing Dancing to our hearts content. LOL! Hanging out all damn day with DeDe and two of her Kids, The infamously bad Madison "the whole white one", and Christin "the black girl". They were funny kids.

I don't wanna forget sneaking up to Manhattan and spending the weekend with Danny. The long talks, the driving to Lawerence to have dinner with Nathan. Hanging out in Aggieville. Seeing that kickass play. Being in serious chill mode.

I dont wanna forget hangin out with Danny, last 4th of July and watching City of God.

I dont wanna forget having Tipsy Tuesday's at work. Derek, Ali, and I downing rum and coke on break and laughing our asses off the rest of the night. The 5ths of Malibu that Ali and I would drink on lunch break and come back and having everyone think we were drunk but only us know for sure that we were.

I don't wanna forget going fishing with the Ali Family out at Lake Cheney. It took Ali and I forever to find his family cause we got there later than everyone else. We drove all around that damn lake. Every time I put my pole in the water I would catch a fish and it took Ali like 2 hours to get one. Not before he flipped out cause he saw a little bitty snake.

I dont wanna forget Mike and I going down memory lane and tappin into that childhood place we cherish so much.

I don't wanna forget any of these things and more. Hell I have already forgotten so much.

I went to Denver, Colorado in may to see my little brother graduate high school. It was very important to me that I go because I remember what it was like to not have many people their to cheer me on and I closed my 12 year book. It was really nice to get to hang out with my brothers and sister. We were never really raised together since we have different mothers that won't stop us as were are all becoming of age. We have no excuse not to play roles in each others lives now.
While I was in CO. I went into the mountains a town called Blackhawk. Its like a little Atlantic City with a much better view. Driving in the mountains was breath taking. It was the most naturally beautiful place I have ever scene. To see the Rockie Mountains with my own eyes was way better than any picture book can describe. (And a pick is worth a 1000 words.) Denver was very beauiful as well. It felt as though I was driving through a city that you would see in a magazine or book or in a movie. It was such a little "perfect city". (The people there drive so freaking much better than they do in Kansas and I hate to say it but Texas too.)
If it werent so freaking cold there I would definitely consider living in Denver.

I have so very big news to share but I'll save that for another hours.

I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions have an echo
in so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
PROBABLY (Note: CD version and radio version are different. The other has POSSIBLY here)

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember Is thinking, I want to be like them

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little oh it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy

This song is called Crazy by Gnarles Barkley. They should have named their album the Mind of Bryson Lee Riley. Its like they literally reached inside on my brain and wrote how I feel and how my mind tics down and put music to it.

I cant say enough how much god has blessed me.

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